Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My pussy is not your playground.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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