Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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