Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I touched a dick in church today
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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