You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
