member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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