didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
