And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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