The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
