Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
