A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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