There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
