your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
