She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
