I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
