Four minutes until I can fart!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
