i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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