don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
