maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
