google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
