you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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