The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
