come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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