i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
