Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
