If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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