My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
