wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
