he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
