I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
