mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I didn't notice because vodka
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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