is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
