My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
