What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
