i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It's just like the Real World with babies
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
All I want is dick and wine.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
