wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
