wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
