i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
