One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
