I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
