I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
