I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
