last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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