She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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