You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
