Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Please, let me fuck your mom
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
