love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
