How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
