no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
