hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
