cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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