the condom got lost in my hair
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
