i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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