I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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