adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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