Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
